By the time I got around to calling Kai that day, I was half out of my mind. Sleep wasn't an option cos, when I closed my eyes, I kept seeing all those johns from the alley, kept feeling their hands all over me, kept waking up screaming. My numerous injuries meant that moving much was out of the question, so I decided to take a night off. Might as well, considering I'd been making twice as much as usual.

I gingerly lowered myself onto the sofa and dialed up Kai.

"Hello?"
//Sounds too damn chipper.// "Hey, Kai. What'd you want?"

"Darren? I - you got my message, right? Well, I got two tickets to see Savage play this weekend. I know he's, like, your idol, so I thought it'd be nice to invite you to go with me."

"I can't, Kai."

Her confusion was almost tangible. "Why not? You love Savage."

"Something just...came up, all right?"

"All right." More confusion. "Let me know if you change your mind."

"Bye."

"Bye."

*Click*

//I've had the reality, can I go back to the fantasy?//

That question kept looping through my mind as Kai and I drove down to the Tavern.

I had called her back, despite my best intentions. After hearing that I could go after all, she'd excitedly arranged our evening for the concert. I was to meet her at her flat, and we would go have dinner before arriving at the pub to see Daniel - Savage - perform.

I wasn't so sure I could go through with it, but I had to see him one last time.

So there we were, in Kai's low-slung little Mustang, heading for the Savage concert. I tried to keep up with her bubbly chatter, but my mind was more preoccupied with whether I would be able to watch Dan and not be near him. After being with him, there was no way I could simply go back and pretend that he and Savage were separate people, that I still had a dream lover who would love me back.

God, it was depressing.

"You know, the guys told me that some john's been driving around all week looking for you. Nobody knew where you were, though, so he doesn't know anything. You're not in trouble are you?"

It took me a second to realize what she had just said. "Some guy? I - no, I'm not in trouble, really. But what did he look like?"

"Dunno. Drove a silver merc, blond hair, I think. That's all anybody said."

//Could it be Daniel? Why? If only it was...//

"We're here."

Kai's bright announcement interrupted my train of thought. We climbed out of the Mustang and got in line for the show. It inched forward, but every step made me more nervous. I couldn't go through -

"Ticket."

"Here you go. Oh, and he's with me."

The bouncer ripped the tickets in half, handed Kai the stubs, and waved us inside. It was packed already. I wove through the milling crowd to a table that was miraculously empty, and Kai and I sat down. My leg bounced nervously while we waited for the show to start.

I fidgeted through the opening act. It was hot as hell in there, and people were shucking coats left and right. I took a long drink of the water that had been provided, watching as Kai chatted up a former client of hers.

Suddenly a hush fell over the crowd. A spotlight hit an emcee on the small stage, all eyes riveted to him.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you now, in his *first ever* live performance... Savage!"

The crowd's roar was deafening, but all I could hear was my own heartbeat, pounding in my head as I watched Daniel step onto the stage. He looked so scared. I wanted to wrap him up and protect him from the world.

Blinding camera flashes, then a near silence. Daniel stood there and stared into the crowd for a long moment; he picked up his guitar and sat down almost robotically. He started playing, and that blank look was back on his face. The same look from the other night...

Sitting through his set was torture. I was assailed with memories of our time together, but what hurt most was the knowledge that we would have no more.