"Where the hell is the band?" A slightly frazzled venue Proprietor demanded, bursting through the door of the lounge backstage. November 13th, New York City. Everyone was frazzled, it seemed.
"Right here, we're not going any – " Daniel raised a hand, but was interrupted.
"Not you. The other band. The shiny one, you know ... with the ... skirts and things."
"Placebo?" Darren offered. "You mean they're not here yet?"
"Nope. Called their hotel room, no one there. They skipped out early from the sound check, I don't know where they went. All I know is that there are people out there, lots and lots of people, and they want to see a show. It's been two and a half hours already. *Someone* has got to go on." He left in a huff, slamming the door behind himself.
"Geez," sighed Daniel. "What do we do?"
"I dunno. Get someone up there telling jokes?" Darren suggested.
"Wugh. That'll never go over." Daniel cringed.
"You could do it. Charm them into hysterics, you could." Darren sipped his water. "Or you could do your famous strip-tease act," he ventured.
Daniel's face went red. "What are you talking about?" he laughed. But his sense of humour about Darren's insinuations was failing to defend him against the visceral feeling that this was genuine philandering. Then Daniel paused, and decided he was over-thinking things.
The lounge door opened again, slowly, and something looking very much like a drowned rat made its way timidly into the room.
"Brian Molko," it introduced itself, and sniffed.
"Have you been left out in the rain or something?" Daniel asked, shaking his hand.
"In a way," Brian said, and sniffed again. Half-smile.
"You guys were supposed to go on forty-five minutes ago," Darren reminded him evenly.
"Yeah, well ... things got – " Brian looked around the room, "distracting."
"You! Where have you been? On! On with you! This minute!" The Proprietor flung open the door, grabbed Brian by the shoulders and pushed him out into the corridor, where stood Steve and Stephan, looking equally doped. They went on, and played like utter crap.



[ PART 2 ]

Darren sat silently in the empty dressing room, his drumming fingertips the only sound to be heard. He let his gaze sweep the dressing mirror crowded with a messy array of eyeshadows and lipsticks. Darren grimaced at the sight, it *all* belonged to Placebo.
Darren's anger was a sullen muttering in the back of his mind, making his blue eyes turn a sparking, dark grey.
He waited, impatiently, resentfully.
Time slowly slide by until Darren found himself clenching his hands into fists. Finally, the door flew open and in piled the three scraggly musicians, giggling horribly and shoving each other. They seemed completely oblivious to Darren's presence, chatting cheerfully around the lit mirror. Darren was reluctant to speak up until he noticed that Brian was beginning to flirt with both of his bandmates. At the same time. Shamelessly. When it progressed to innocent-seeming motions of letting hands linger on arms longer than normal, or needed, Darren rolled his eyes and cleared his throat loudly.
*What a little slut, two at once* Darren thought scornfully as the boys whirled around in surprise, staring at Darren curiously.
"Who're you?" Brian demanded a little haughtily, not seeming to recognize Darren in the slightest. Darren sighed and stood up, reluctantly offering his hand.
"I'm Darren." When all he got was blank looks, Darren bit back another sigh "From Savage Garden, the band you are touring with?" He continued a little impatiently.
"So what do you want, waiting for us in *our* dressing room?" Brian asked quite rudely, ignoring Darren's outstretched hand. Darren pulled back his arm and stared at Brian in turn.
"*Your* dressing room? We are both sharing this one, no matter how hard you try to take it over with your things." Darren indignantly retorted, putting a disdainful emphasis on 'things' as he glanced at the still-chaotic dressing mirror. Brian merely raised an eyebrow at him and picked up a lipstick at random, while his bandmates looked bored and wandered out of the room one after the other.
"Anyway," Darren continued, annoyed with himself for getting off topic "I came here to ask what's up with you and your performance tonight?" Brian shrugged and put the lipstick back down, rummaging through the cosmetic mess.
"We didn't feel like trying hard to play good tonight" Brian responded loftily. Darren frowned, not sure whether he was more annoyed by Brian's answer or the indifferent way he said it.
"Well, next time could you try a little harder to play at least somewhat decently? It seemed so empty out there after your set, there was hardly anybody left to play to!" Darren demanded exasperatedly. The diminutive singer shrugged again, to Darren's further annoyance, and paused to apply some dark lipstick to his lips before answering.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. It was just one show, don't get your panties in a knot." came the insolent reply, causing Darren to see red for a moment. *Just* one show? Darren couldn't understand such a lack of caring, he took his stage performances so seriously. Brian's attitude was almost blasphemous.
*What an uppity little snot! I should break him in two!* Darren seethed mentally, unconsciously clenching hands again into fists while an oblivious Brian still had his back to him, applying away.
Then the door flew open again and in strolled Daniel, completely unaware of the exchange that had gone on. Darren's gaze flew sharply to the blond guitarist.
"And where have you been?" He demanded harshly, unfairly using Daniel as a way to vent his rage. Daniel paused mid-step, obviously taken aback by Darren's sudden accusation.
"Um, I went out to get a drink, that's all." Daniel replied slowly, his gaze going to Brian and then back to Darren. He clearly could sense Darren's anger but Brian's indifference left him confused. Darren was about to let another scathing accusation fly when he realized belatedly what he was doing and just shut his mouth. There was a moment of awkward silence, in which Brian still seemed not to care, and then Darren grabbed his jacket and strode out of the dressing room.
"I need to take a walk." He said shortly as he passed by Daniel, leaving the bewildered guitarist alone with Brian in the dressing room, still frozen in mid-step...

[ PART 3 ]

"Ugh. What's *his* problem?" Brian sneered.
"I don't know," said Daniel apologetically.
"Bit of a control freak, are we?" Brian continued, rolling his eyes. He smoothed out a crease in his skirt, and absently suggested, "You should tell your boyfriend there he takes himself way too seriously."
"Uh, yeah ..." Daniel stammered. //Don't dwell on it. Don't. You'll start blushing again.// "Look, I don't know what that was about, but I certainly don't want to get off on the wrong foot with you." //Plural!// "You guys, I mean."
Brian was too perceptive. Nothing escaped the little twinkle in his eye, no word slips, no stammered agreements. It really wasn't fair, from an objective point of view, that Brian entered into this with the upper hand. Who was he to waltz in wearing his glamour like an expensive fur coat? With a line of dialogue – or cocaine – as a comeback for everything? It really wasn't fair.
"No, no, of course you don't," Brian assured Daniel, "I wouldn't dream of holding anything against you. I'm sure we can work things out." Daniel smiled genuinely. "Um, could you do me a favour, though?" Brian turned around. "Unzip me?"
"What?"
"The dress." Innocent eyes. "I can never quite reach, you know." Daniel hesitated a touch too long, but Brian continued without missing a beat. "Unless that makes you uncomfortable, for any reason, I mean. I'll understand." And then a smile too disarming to refuse.
"Oh, no, don't be silly. It's not like I've never seen a guy in a dress before," Daniel said, with a jittery laugh. He quickly pulled down the zipper from the nape of Brian's neck to the small of his back. Brian whirled around and smiled gratefully. Then, his voice lowered, he asked, "Have you ever kissed one?" And with that, he wrapped his arms around Daniel's neck and pulled him down into a kiss.

//Oh. The lights. Right.//

Darren fumbled against the table beside him and managed to flick on the lamp switch, illuminating a crouched Daniel tripping over a pile of shoes, who froze in the sudden light like the proverbial deer. Then he winced and moved up a hand to cover his eyes.

"Ahhhhh..could you turn out that light, Darren?" Daniel rasped hoarsely, trying to stand up with little success.

"What, so you can just resume your Godzilla-like trampling of my shoes?" Darren replied, frowning with annoyance. Daniel returned his frown and maneuvered his way out of the footwear trap unsteadily until he reached the bed beside Darren's.

"Maybe if you did have so many pairs of shoes, I wouldn't be tripping over them," Daniel finally commented a long pause "I swear to God, it's like living with a woman." He casually finished as he removed his own shoes and tossed them to the pile.

Darren glared hotly at him, but the shot completely missed as Daniel was studiously not looking in Darren's direction.

The singer's anger flared until he began to scrutinize his suddenly silent bandmate. The verdict was that Daniel was, plainly, a mess. A rumpled, disarrayed mess, one in which his clothes were not quite straight nor his hair quite right.

"Speaking of women, where have you been tonight? I never found out where you disappeared to. Or with whom.." Darren asked shrewdly, taking a perverse pleasure from Daniel's startled little jump. The rumpled blond shot a nervous glance in Darren's direction and shrugged noncommitally. A little too much so....


[ PART 5 ]

November 23rd, Toronto, Ontario. They were soundchecking mid-afternoon on a familiar outdoor stage – never mind the weather – their only audience being some geese who tended, periodically, to fly away (unappreciative creatures). They had hardly spoken to one another all day.
//Ugh, how awkward,// was the extent of Daniel's sentiments.
Darren sang out a few random lines from Madonna songs, warming up. "And I feel / Like I just got home / And I feel ..." Darren paused. "Moderately pissed off," he finished quietly.
Sarcastic clapping was heard from the wings. "Bra-vo," muttered a nasal voice. Brian sauntered onto the stage listlessly, his figure all in black like an ominous silhouette. "If you decide to stop wasting everybody's time at any point soon, let me know so we can do our check," he said to Darren.
Darren went pale with astoundment. //The *nerve*.// "Listen, you impatient little pest! *You* are the last person with any right to get indignant about wasting time. This is the first show you've been anywhere *close* to on time for yet, and that's just because you've been unconscious in the back of the limo for the past several hours, unable to wander off to – to wherever the hell you'd otherwise wander off!" he hissed.
If Brian had been bionic, lasers would have been shooting out his eyes. As it stood, Brian could only turn on a dime and left wordlessly. Daniel's face was that of a hurt-puppy.
"Why are you making it so difficult for us?" he implored.
"What? What am I making difficult for who, exactly? I don't know if you've noticed, honey, but Princess Molko is the one causing all the trouble round here."
"You know what I think?" Daniel spat out, throwing down his guitar so hard it almost splintered, "I think you're fucking jealous." And he stormed offstage.

//What the hell is wrong with Daniel anyway? What did he bloody mean when he said I'm jealous? Jealous of what? I hope he wasn't referring to that little lip-sticked moron Brian, cos what does he have right now that I don't?//

But that thought lead Darren places he didn't want to think about. Fighting the urge to squirm uncomfortably, Darren stood out and turned around, only to find himself once again face to face with the focus of his displeasure. Brian blinked in surprise while Darren's posture stiffened, throwing a disapproving look Brian's way.

"What do *you* want?" Darren growled, mentally sneering at Brian's outfit of a short black skirt and black work-shirt. What a fluffhead. Brian shrugged slightly and pulled out a pack of cigarettes before answering.

"Nothing, I was just coming to check the guitars out." He eventually replied, casually taking a smoke out of the box and lighting it. Brian took a drag and slowly exhaled it, oblivious to the look of distaste on Darren's face as he vainly tried to wave the smoke out of his face.

//God, it's bad enough that Dan smokes, but this bastard almost seems to flaunt it!//

"Fine. I'll leave the stage to you then." Darren said curtly, already starting to turn.

"No, it's ok, you can stay I'm not going to actually play the guitars, I just wanted to check them out visually." Brian responded before Darren had taken a step. The departing singer froze and pivoted back around to regard Brian with surprise, unable to prevent one of his eyebrows from quirking upwards inquiringly.

"What?" Darren asked quietly, perhaps dangerously "You just finished whining that I was taking too long in my warm up and I got the impression you wanted to practice quite badly."

Brian shrugged again, a gesture that continued, somehow, to convey a strong feeling of insolence.

"I lied, I was just getting sick of hearing you sing Madonna and other crap. Gave me a headache."

Darren ground his teeth for a moment, his grey-blue eyes going steely with anger.

//Is this how he treats everyone? If so, how does he live through the day?//

Brian finally seemed to clue into Darren's emotional state, for he gave the short-haired man a curious look as he took another drag from the cigarette.

"Hey, I'm not saying *you* suck, I just wanna know why you practice with such girly songs."

Darren snorted, his anger cooling a little.

"You're one to talk about girly." He retorted, gesturing towards Brian's skirt with a dismissive hand. Brian automatically looked down at his skirt, then smirked at Darren's derisive expression.

"Well, if the shoe fits..."he drawled coyly. "or skirt for that matter....Don't knock it man, Daniel seems to like it. Wait, forget I said that, last thing I need is you grabbing my throat out of jealousy!" And proceeded to crack up as Darren expression went decidedly stony.

"What did you say?" He near-whispered, staring at Brian as he convulsed with mirth.


[ PART 7 ]

"Nothing, man, I didn't say anything." Brian stifled a giggle and then sighed. "This is the pretense you operate under? This is what you convince yourselves so you can get through it? Oh, *man* you guys are fucked up!" He trotted off primly.

The show that evening was fine. Darren and Daniel were fine. Professional enough not to let these things hinder their stage presence. Placebo were a little rocky, and not overwhelmingly received by the crowd. Brian was in a bit of a tiff, and this seemed to bring great pleasure to Darren. They returned to their respective hotels.
"All I'm saying, Darren, is that you have to be a little more ... lenient with Brian. He's of a different ... breed, so to speak."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Reducing us all to the level of dogs doesn't justify his belligerent attitude toward me. He's a bitch, Daniel, can't you see that? Why are you defending him? And why, for the love of god, does he have the impression that I'm somehow *jealous*?" Darren yelled in disgust.
"Jesus ..." Daniel sighed. //It's too complicated.// he thought. //I want out. Just give me a nice suburban home and a wife and kids. I'll work in a book store. Everything will be great.// The bubble burst when Darren tore into him again.
"I think this all comes back to *you*. You don't know what you want. Every time I turn my back, you plunge a knife into it for Brian to see."
"Oh, is that what you think we're doing? God, you're self-centred," Daniel countered.
"Am I? Well what *are* you doing when I turn my back, then?"
"We're doing this!" Daniel screamed, grabbing Darren roughly by the shoulders and kissing his mouth impulsively. All the words were gone. Angry and crazy turned to white noise. Darren froze with shock. Briefly, a thought flittered through his head. //Things are going to be different.// And then he started to breathe again. Daniel pulled away.
"Fuck you," he muttered, and disappeared into the bathroom.
"Dan, wait, I ..." Darren tapped gently on the other side of the door. "I don't know what to say." Silence. "I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry that things aren't going very well. But I'm not going to stand here and say I'm wrong, and that Brian has any right to act the way he does ... I mean, it just seems really complicated all of a sudden."
"You're not wrong," Daniel said. "Brian's being a bitch. But so are you. So what the hell am I supposed to do?" He opened the door and paced across the room in frustration. "I'm stuck in the middle."
Darren cautiously put his hand on Dan's shoulder, and prayed for everything to calm down. "It doesn't ... it doesn't have to be this way." Slowly he reached around to embrace him. They stood like that for a while, falling into the comfort of the hug. Silently dreading the inevitable release.
//Come on,// Darren thought. //Just ... open. I don't know why, but I want ... I want to stay like this forever.// Darren closed his eyes as if falling asleep. //I want to know what he likes about Brian. I want to know what they do.// Quietly he moved to kiss Daniel's neck, tiny kisses, he almost hoped Daniel wouldn't notice. It just seemed natural. //I want to do that too.//
Gradually Darren's kisses grew more intense, until he was pawing at Daniel with intention. Lips brushing against the hollow of his throat, dying to express the affection that had denied itself for so long. Dan was doing his best to retain his composure, but every now and then his eyes would close in disbelief. //I've wanted this for as long as I've known him,,// he admitted to himself. //Why now, of all times ...? Brian's going to ... // "Ah," Daniel whispered, his thought train derailed as Darren's tongue darted out to lick his earlobe. He felt the tension in Darren's body, how he wanted to crawl all over him. And then his mouth was crushed by Darren's, kissing with the same abandon that Dan had earlier. //Oh, this is *good* ...// A rush went through his spine.
And a knock came at the door. //No. Way.// They froze, the sound throwing them back into reality. "Oh, my god." Darren sighed. Daniel reluctantly got up and looked through the peephole. A heavily-mascara'd eye stared back at him. Brian. Daniel quickly opened the door and stepped into the hallway to deal with him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, trying to hide his annoyance (among other things).
"Sweetie, you're looking flushed," he put a hand to Dan's forehead and smiled (knowingly?), "are you feeling ok ...?"
"Yeah," Daniel fidgeted. "What are you doing here?"
"I just came to see if you wanted to go out," Brian said, batting his eyelashes.
"I do, actually. Alone." Daniel started to pace down the hall, and Brian followed.
"What do you mean?" he asked as they got into the elevator.
"I'm going for a walk." Daniel pushed L.
They got out at the lobby and Daniel pushed through the revolving door to the outside, leaving Brian behind.



[ PART 8 ]

Darren watched Daniel step out of the room with decidedly mixed feelings. Part of him was relieved, he wanted time to regain his composure, to wipe away the heat from his most-likely-flushed cheeks.
But another part of him didn't want Daniel to go. Ever. It was the part of him that wanted to feel connected again, wanted the warmth, *yearned* for it. And that was the part that was scaring him the most.

//This is *not* how I thought things would go..// Darren quietly thought, absently sitting down on the hotel bed. Darren didn't wonder who was at the door, there was only *one* person he could think of who would have such awful timing. Darren didn't think he could resent that little tart Brian anymore than he already did, but apparently he could. A lot more.

Darren sighed and was reaching for the TV remote when a loud knocking startled him into dropping his arm. He froze for a moment, wildly wondering if, against all odds, Daniel had come back after stepping outside. Maybe he decided wanted to come back to Darren instead of going with Brian. Maybe he had told Brian to piss off!

Rushing excitedly to the door, he threw it open and looked to where Daniel's smiling face was supposed to be. But empty air graced his vison, causing Darren to look downward in dismay.

//Oh no. Not him. Not *now*// Darren thought despairingly, not relishing the prospect of having to deal with his new visitor: Brian Molko himself. The diminutive singer seemed to grin at Darren's expression and waltzed in without invitation. Still feeling a bit shocked, Darren automatically closed the door and turned to face Brian, a small part of his mind wondering where Daniel was. And why Brian wasn't with him. It implied too many things, Darren dimissed his musing and focused on the task at hand.

"Where's Daniel?" Darren asked calmly, as Brian proceed to flounce himself onto the bed. *Darren's* bed, as a matter of fact. Darren ignored that and leaned against a wall, waiting for a reply.
Brian shrugged, not looking at Darren for a moment but appeared to take in the mess Darren had made of his room, the mess he *always* made in hotels.

"I dunno, he left cuz he said he wanted to take a walk. I don't know or really care where he went." Brian said offhandly, leaning over to pick up a pair of Darren's black Star-Wars boxers that lay on the floor. He looked up at Darren with a sly, questioning expression and offered him the article of clothing. Flushing, Darren snatched them back quickly and stuffed them in a random bag.

"Why are you here then?" Darren asked impatiently. Brian pouted slightly at his tone.

"I'm borrrred. I just wanted to talk." Brian informed the taller singer, giving him an innocent look. Darren replied to that look with a disbelieving look of his own. Brian's pout deepened.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you always so pissed at me?" he demanded, sitting up straight and leaning forward, his eyes daring Darren to answer.

"You're always in the way!" Darren exclaimed heatedly, all of his pent-up frustration making him a little careless with his words. Blinking in alarm, Darren bit his lip and hoped his tone would go unnoticed. No such luck; Darren watched Brian's eyes get a particular gleam in them.

"‘In the way'? How am I ever in the way?" he asked, quirking his eyebrow up in an obvious mockery of Darren's own habit.

"You never give us a moment's peace! Always barging in, interrupting people and making a nuisance of yourself. Just look what you did a moment ago, banging down our door!" Darren retorted, getting all worked up. Then he realized exactly what he had just said, and froze. Brian smirked slightly, but whether at what Darren had said or his reaction, he couldn't be sure.

"And what exactly were you doing that I interrupted, Darren?" Brian asked in a sly voice, never taking his eyes from Darren's face. Darren opened and closed his mouth without a sound coming out, throat too dry to speak.

//He knows. Oh God, he knows. What is he going to do?// Darren thought in a panic. Stalling for time, Darren walked over to the bed next to the one Brian was occupying.

"Oh, nothing," Darren finally stammered, striving to sound normal "We were just talking about something, and you made me lose my train of thought when you knocked. Nothing big." He refused to look at the singer beside him, Darren could practically *feel* Brian grinning at him. Irrationally, it made him angry again, and Darren turned to glare at Brian's smiling face.

"If it was nothing big," Brian drawled in a completely rational voice "then why does it bother you so much? Or is it really that Daniel was in the midst of seducing you and I interrupted the Kodak moment?" Brian smirked at Darren like he had already agreed to Brian's theory. So smug and self-satisfied.

//He's mocking me!// Darren thought furiously //Throwing the fact that he's got Daniel in my face!//

"God Brian, shut up! I know that Daniel lusts over you totally, you don't need to parade it around me!" Darren shouted, standing up suddenly, wishing that he could wipe that grin off Brian's face entirely. Or just sink into a hole in the ground and disappear. But instead of smirking wider, Brian got a look of surprise on his face.

"Darren, hello? Where have you *been*? Mars?? How can you not know that Daniel wants YOU! He's always wanted you!" Brian exclaimed, pointing straight at Darren with an impassioned hand. "I can't believe how fucking blind you are!"

Darren sat down again in confusion. Daniel wanted him? To the point that Brian had noticed?

"If *you* knew, Brian, why did you go for him?" Darren asked, almost plaintively. Brian glanced at him, an odd defensive look, then quickly glanced at his lap, studying his hands. Then he seemed to force himself to shrug.

"Well, you didn't seem to be wanting the attention, let alone doing something about it. Can't blame me for indulging in your cast-offs, can you?"

Brian's tone was so unfamiliar that Darren peered at him, but Brian's had his head angled so low that his hair had fallen in his face, masking it effectively. After a moment's thought, Darren realized that the unfamiliar tone was *bitterness*, made foreign by the fact that Brian never seemed upset.

//Things just got a little weird// Darren thought faintly, not knowing what to say next, what to think....

[ PART 9 ]

The confused singer sat speechless for a moment, absently running a hand through his shiny black locks. Darren felt like there was something he was missing, like he was playing an elaborate game in which he couldn’t even see his own moves, let alone his opponent's. Things were getting a tad bit more blurry than was comfortable.

//Am I *really* that blind?// Darren wondered, trying to think of what he should say next, and pretty much failing miserably.

“Brian, I don’t understand,” Darren finally confessed, trying to get a glimpse of Brian’s still-hidden face “What exactly are you saying?” There was a long pause, then Brian threw his hair out of his face and then spoke.

“Nothing, Darren, nothing,” the green-eyed boy said quietly, dispiritedly. “Never mind, you hate me anyway, so why should you care?” Brian sighed. “I have to go.”

Darren blinked as Brian got up from his bed and drifted towards the room door. His tangled, racing thoughts kept him captive on the bed until the very last moment, frozen by indecision until the sound of Brian turning the doorknob reached his ears. Something still *wasn’t right*, and Darren’s subconcious screamed at him until he suddenly bolted off the bed and scrambled for the door. He hit the door with his shoulder and it closed with a crash, leaving a startled Brian staring at him in astonishment.

“Darren, what are-“

“Don’t go just yet,” Darren interrupted, the words torn out of him in a gasp. “Please, I don’t know exactly what’s going on, between *all* of us, but I *do* know that I can’t stand it anymore.” He grabbed Brian by the shoulders and pushed him until he was back sitting on Darren’s bed, with Darren resolutely seated beside him.

“Brian, what are you not telling me?” Darren asked, a stubborn look on his face. When Brian looked like he was going to balk, Darren warningly added.

“I’m not letting you leave until I get an explanation. Whatever is going on, whatever games you are playing with me and Daniel, they end *now.”

..to be continued.