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I'll Stand By You
by Leela Ganey
Author's Note: Rating: PG13... no sex... no drugs.... bad language...
Warning: You made need box of tissues. This is very moving fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own Daniel... I don't own Darren.... Although I think it
is a good thing that I don't. I do not own the song: "I'll stand by you" by
the Pretenders. I am making no money so you can't sue me. Well, even if
you did sue me... I only have a quarter in my pocket.
Thank you: I would like to thank Stephie-chan and Megs for being great
friends. I would also like to thank Cassie for liking and wanting to show off
my fic. I would again like to thank the voices in my head. And a big thank
you to peppermint tea.
**********************
"Oh, why you look so sad,
The tears are in your eyes,
Come on and come to me now."
Daniel woke with a start. He could hear the someone playing the piano. Well,
trying to play the piano. The only one who plays that badly is Darren.
Daniel got out of bed and walked down crept down the stairs. Then moved down
the hall. At the end of the hall was where the piano was.
Daniel stopped. He saw Darren sitting at the piano. He had on his day
clothes. "Did he ever go to sleep?" Daniel thought to himself. It had been
worrying Daniel. More and more Darren was staying up all night. He knew they
all kept weird hours but still. Sleep was something the body needed. It
worried him even more that Darren was become indecisive where their music was
concerned. He could not decided on sounds he or if he like the way he was
singing something.
Daniel watched Darren pound the keys of the piano. "Something was bugging
him, but what? What had Darren upset?" Daniel knew Darren was happy in
living in New York but he as said it was lonely. He knew no one who lived in
New York. No one to talk to unless he called long distance. When they had
got together to work on the album. Darren was really happy in the beginning.
They did stuff. Played around watched TV. Worked on music. It was fun. But
now Darren was acting like he carried the weight of some unknown trouble.
Daniel heard Darren stop playing the piano. The next thing he heard made his
heart stop. Darren was crying well more so he was sobbing. Daniel just stood
there. "What should he do? Leave him be or comfort him in what ever is
bothering him?" He heard Darren heave out another quiet sob. Before Dan even
knew what he was doing he was walking toward Darren.
Darren for the most part could not have cared if the world had existed. His
world was so empty. He would have to go back to New York soon. That meant he
would be a lone. A lone... By himself.... Lonely... That is when the tears
came. He couldn't stop them nor had he wanted to. He closed his eyes. That
was when he felt two strong arms wrap around him. Pulling him close. Darren
did not open his eyes. Why do that he already knew who it was.
"And don't be ashamed to cry,
Let me see you through,
'Cause I've seen the dark side too."
Daniel just hugged Darren. It was all he could do. He was not always good
with feelings. But he understood that a gentle touch could go a long way to
soothe a tortured heart.
Darren let Daniel hug him. Maybe it was the strength in his arms. Maybe it
was his warmth that his body radiated. Or was it the sweet scent that could
only be classified as Daniel. Whatever it was. It calmed him. His heart beat
slowed and his body relaxed. He felt Daniel's hug loosen.
Daniel sat down beside him on the piano bench. He raised a hand to Darren's
face. He touched the hot tears on his face. He looked to his eyes. "What
made him cry?" Very gently he wiped all the tears from Darren's face. Then
he brushed the hair off of his fore head back.
Darren just watched Daniel. He could not believe Daniel would be this tender
or gentle. They had been friends forever now but they never covered anything
that was deep they never cried on each other shoulder or talked of anything
too personal. They were men it just was not allowed. But this was different.
When Daniel was satisfied that Darren's tears were gone. So much pain in his
eyes. He gently touched Darren's cheek. "What is the matter Darren?"
Darren looked down. Could he tell Daniel? Could he say that he was lonely
and that no one wanted him? Would Daniel laugh at him and say that it was
all in his mind? "You wouldn't understand."
"You really think that Darren?" Daniel pulled his hand away from Darren's
face. He reach for Darren's hand. He lightly caressed it. "I can't understand
anything when you keep it inside. I am you friend and I refuse to let you
fall in to the 7th level of hell by yourself. Just talk to me."
"You just wouldn't understand." Darren snatched his hand back. He knew the
instant he did that he was wrong. The single tear that now made its way down
Daniel's cheek was more than enough proof of that.
"When the night falls on you,
You don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less."
"I'm sorry. Daniel. I just... It is... Well.... Damn. I can't say what it
is."
"Darren, Why is it you feel like you have to act like some damn rock. You
are not all alone. Besides have I ever given you a reason to think that
whatever you have to say will make me think that you are not worth being with
friends anymore?" Daniel said quietly.
Darren just stared at him. What could he say? He was right. Daniel was
always there. Quietly observing the world in his own way. He was right. Why
did he have to be right? What could I say that Daniel would not understand?
"I am lonely." There he said it.
Daniel was not even sure if he heard Darren. He whispered. It sounded like
I'm lonely. Lonely? Darren? Weird.... Darren never seemed lonely. He
always talking to people. Always in the open. Daniel started to ask why he
was lonely when Darren started sobbing again.
Darren couldn't help himself pain that had been too much. "I thought I would
be happy if I could start over in New York City. I thought I could build new
friendships meet new people. But I just can't seem to. I spend whole weeks
alone. The only people I talk to sometimes are the ones over the phone. I
go out time after time. Book stores. Coffee shops. On the street. No one
cares. No one knows me." He stopped for a moment. "And No one loves me."
Daniel reached out for Darren. He pulled him close. Darren wrapped his arms
around Daniel like he was a dream that would get away if he didn't hold on
tight. He felt the tears slide down his face and on to Daniel chest. Daniel
was so close. His heart beat so loud. He could lose himself forever like
this.
"Darren, you are not alone. People care about you. People love you. You have
family and friends." Daniel said soothingly. He ran his hands up and down
Darren's back in a gesture that he could only hope Darren found comforting.
"Yes, I have family. They are required to love or it isn't a family. As for
friends... Really I don't ever remember having that many good friends. No
one loves because they want to." Darren cried more. And if It hadn't been
for his head being on Daniel chest he would have head Daniel quietly say "I
love you, Darren"
"I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
Won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you."
Darren froze... Did Daniel just say what he thought he said. Did Daniel love
him? His Jonesy? Love him. "Daniel?"
"I think you heard me, Darren." Daniel couldn't help it. He did love Darren.
He loved having him around. When he moved to New York and was no longer a
few minutes away. He couldn't deal. It was like a part of him got up and
walked across the ocean and never looked back. Darren pulled away. Daniel
let him go.
Darren just looked at Daniel. He looked in to his eyes. They were very
green. There was no look of harshness or any hint this was a joke. Just love
and acceptance. Darren touched Daniel's face. It was warm. He could feel the
warm salty tears that had made their way down his face.
"Darren. Why is it you think you are all alone? Why do you think no one could
love you?" Daniel said.
Darren jumped. Daniel was right. He did think he was all alone at times. He
had always wondered if people did love him. "I don't know Daniel. I always
have thought I am not worth it. Not good enough." He looked down, his hand
from Daniel's face dropped. He now just blankly stared at the piano.
"Darren." Daniel said. Darren still looked at the piano. "Darren look at
me." No response. Daniel reached over and turned Darren's head so he had to
look at him in the eye. "I want you to listen and understand me. You are
worth love. You are never alone. I have always been there. Can you ever
think of a time when you could never reach me? Or a time I would not talk to
you?" Darren just blinked at him. His mouth was closed. Tears silently
slide down his face. "Darren please... Don't push me away. I love you. I
cannot leave you to fight whatever demons you have floating around in you
mind by your self."
At that moment Daniel had no clue what to do. Tears started falling down his
face. He could see Darren shutting down. And there was nothing he could do
about it.
Before Darren had time to think and understand what he was doing. He pulled
Daniel close and kissed him. He kissed him hard. And if that wasn't weird
enough... Daniel responded. But not in the way He had thought he would.
"So, if you're mad, get mad;
Don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now."
Daniel couldn't believe what was happening. Out of now where Darren kissed
him. Not that wasn't weird but his body betrayed him by kissing Darren back.
He couldn't do this him mind screamed. Daniel pushed Darren away. Both of
them were breathless. Daniel couldn't say anything. All he could do was
breathe. "What in the hell was that?"
Darren just looked at him. His eyes were clouded. He didn't really know what
that was either. One moment he felt himself shutting down and the next he
was kissing Daniel. Very rarely had Darren ever wanted kiss Daniel and had
always shoved any thoughts of doing so way down and put them under lock and
key. But he could not say what made him just kiss him like that. And the
fact that Daniel on some level had returned this kiss was scary. Never had he
even thought that Daniel would ever do that.
"Darren?"
"I don't know! Daniel it was a fucking kiss. I can't help but love you.
Your just so damn close." And it was true. Darren never had Daniel this
close.... Everything was in the open. Daniel was caring. His scent was
intoxicating. He was strong and warm. And if that wasn't enough to set him
on fire... Daniel told him that he loved him.
Daniel was torn. It was not often that his mind was so logical and his body
so wanting. But somewhere in the back of his mind this is what he wanted. He
wanted Darren to love him. To hold him and hug him too. To kiss him and to
sleep by his side. The thought of it all over was enought to make his brain
hurt.
"Look, Daniel just forget it. Leave me alone. Go back up stairs and go back
to bed." Darren turned away from Daniel. He put his elbows on his knees and
put his head in his hands. Why bother. The looked of sheer confusion on
Daniel's face was understandable. He never should have kissed him. He should
have kept his control.
Daniel got up. He looked at Darren. His back was to him. Daniel started to
move to go up stairs. But he stopped. He could not do that. He could just
leave Darren. It was not right. Even if his mind told him this was not a good
idea, his heart made it quite clear that how ever his mind felt, he knew deep
down he that something was right.
He sat back down. He moved closer to Darren and wrapped his arms around him
and laid his head on Darren curve of his back. "I can't leave you. I love
you and I don't understand all that has just happened but I know it would be
wrong to walk away."
"And hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
But I'm a lot like you"
"Look Daniel, I am sorry okay? Just go. You really don't need me pulling you
down." Darren mumbled. What could he say? Daniel still had his arms
wrapped around him.
"Darren you are not the only one that ever feels things that is a bit off.
If I just want to forget everything that has just happened I would go to my
room and hide. But the problem is I can't really hide from my feelings. I
could push away my heart. But what would I destroy in the process? Everything
I do. All the music I write comes from my heart. My friendships. My family.
You. No, I am not going anywhere. I am staying right here with you."
Daniel pulled Darren closer. He could feel tears coming again. But he just
blinked them back.
Darren gently turned so he could see Daniel's face. "Daniel.... I love you. I
need you. I don't know why. I can't explain it. But I do." Darren kissed
Daniel's forehead. Then his nose. Then he gently kissed his lips. Then
Pulled away to look at Daniel. His eyes were closed.
"When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along,
'Cause even if you're wrong,"
Darren got up. He couldn't take Daniel's silence. He was moving away when a
strong hand grabbed his arm. He looked at Daniel. He was looking right back
at him.
"Don't leave." That was all Daniel could say. He stood, still keeping his
grip on Darren. For the first time in a long time Daniel told the rational
part of his mind to shut up. Then he leaned over and kissed Darren. It was a
gentle kiss. One of love and slight neediness. Darren responded to it. They
held the kiss till their bodies cried for oxygen.
Never had a moment stopped in their life like it had now. Everything that
was of any not of any importance disappeared. The world was quiet. They
stared at each other. They could never go back now. They would always have
to go forward.
Daniel gently pulled Darren closer. What could he say? Did he really need to
say anything? They stood there in each others arms and let time drip by.
"Daniel?"
"Yes?"
"Thank You."
Daniel didn't know why Darren was saying thank you. It could have been
because he listened. Because he loved. Because he was just here. Who would
ever know? "You're welcome."
"I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
Won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you,
Take me in into your darkest hour,
And I'll never desert you,
I'll stand by you."
Darren just stood there. He could have stayed in Daniel's arms forever. He
could have live all of his life right here and never be happier.
Daniel didn't say anything. He could not think of anything to say. He could
feel that all Darren wanted was just to be held. And so that is what he did.
Daniel didn't know what made "You Are My Sunshine" Pop in to his head but it
did. He started humming it without thinking.
"Daniel what are you humming?"
"Huh?" Daniel didn't realize that he was humming. "Oh, it is 'You Are My
Sunshine.' It just kinda got stuck in my head. It was the first song I
learned to play on the Piano." He paused for a second. "Have you ever heard
it?"
"No, or maybe I have and I don't remember it."
Daniel smiled. And to the surprise of Darren, Daniel started to sing.
"You are my sunshine.
My only sunshine.
You make me happy,
when skies are grey."
"You'll never know dear.
How much 'I love you.'
So please don't take my sunshine away."
He picked up Darren's hand and started to sway back and forth. Darren
followed Daniel's lead. Daniel launched in to another round.
"You are my sunshine.
My only sunshine.
You make me happy,
when skies are gray."
"You'll never know dear.
How much 'I love you.'
So please don't take my sunshine away."
Darren snuggled up to Daniel as he sang. It was odd for Daniel to just sing.
Although they both knew he could. But it was just amazing to hear it. They
both swayed to Daniel's singing.
Daniel hated to admit it but he was getting tired. The day and all that had
happened to him was catching up to him. He was tired. He hate to even end
this timeless moment but his body was going to pass out on him if he didn't
get sleep. "Darren, Love. I have got to get some sleep."
Darren looked up at him. Daniel did look exhausted. "Okay Daniel. You
should." They stood apart.
And when, when the night falls on you, baby,
You're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own.
Daniel held out his hand. "Will you come with me?"
Darren just stared at him. What did he mean? Was he asking Him just come and
lay with him? Or was he wanting more?
He couldn't help but smile. "Darren just to sleep. We have all the time we
will ever need to explore other parts of our relationship."
Darren grinned despite himself. "Okay." He took Daniel's hand. They both
went back to Daniel's room. Darren took off all of his outer clothing and
left on his boxers. He laid down beside Daniel.
"I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
Won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you,
Take me in into your darkest hour,
And I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you."
Daniel wait till Darren was settled. Then he curled up to him. Darren
responded by turning to him and putting his arms around him. Darren didn't
know what would happen tomorrow but there was one thing he knew and would
always understand. Daniel would be there always. "I love you, Daniel."
"I know. I love you, Darren. Remember you are never alone. I am always here,
by your side." Daniel stayed awake till Darren fell asleep. Then when he
felt that Darren was finally asleep. He couldn't help but singing one last
round of "You Are My Sunshine."
~fin~
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