Daniel glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Gripping the sides of the sink before him, he slightly recoiled at the sight of himself.

His normally tanned golden skin was almost white - sickly pale, to say at least. His usually bright grey-green eyes had lost their sparkle, replacing with a dull, apathetic glow. Sharp cheekbones which framed his thin angular face had grown more pronounced. He looked like a living skeleton.

But he knew what he had to do. It was so quick and simple. Last time, he'd caused such a fuss for nearly succeeding. This time though, he made certain no-one was around.

It was Darren who had found him last time, lying in the filled tub, fully clothed, with his bloody wrists hanging out at the sides. He would never forget the dark-haired singer's screams...

That was almost a month ago. He had woken up to tear-stained faces hovering over him in hospital.

He loved them. And he knew they all loved him: mum, dad, Oliver, Jonathan. Darren wasn't allowed in because it was family only, but he yelled and demanded like crazy until he was finally admitted.

Poor Darren.

They had private time alone together afterwards. They didn't speak to each other much; all Darren could do was to hold him close, his silent tears wetting his own fair hair.

At the thought of Darren, he almost started to have second thoughts whether what he was about to do was worth it. Worth the elimination of his emotional pain but to the cost of others'. Especially Darren's.

He sighed. Women. Why did they have to exist? All they ever do is cause him internal agony. Past girlfriends had always betrayed him. It was like a never ending pattern - he'd fall hopelessly in love, then after a few blissful months or even years, it was over - just like that. Always the same bloody excuses: it wasn't working, things have changed, it's me not you, yadda yadda yadda. The next day he would find them in the arms of another bastard.

But the final straw came with Michelle. They had known each other since junior high and had been off and on for years - until they finally got it together a couple of years ago. Daniel thought he had finally found what he was looking for - true love forever. And Michelle seemed to be equally as devoted as he was.

Things were going beautifully until last month.

She too, strayed. And just a month before the wedding too. How sweet of her. This time, however, he wasn't going to take anymore chances. She had hurt him the most - he vowed never to carelessly fall in love again. He never wanted to feel that pain ever again.

He glanced at the clock. Ten minutes to nine on this cool, Sunday night.

Everything was ready. The small, shiny pair of hairdresser's scissors was waiting. Nicked it off his hair stylist. It was just too easy, and no-one saw him. Thank God as well, or else he'd have some very serious answering to do.

Now. No more wasting precious time by all this useless contemplation. Last time the whole process was nice and messy - the physical pain took over the mental pain and it was such a beautiful feeling. The thrilling sense of freedom and weightlessness...

Very slowly, he picked up the scissors. The razor sharp blade caught the light above and glinted menacingly.

One slash. Two.

Dark liquid spurted everywhere. Splattered over his new white Gautier top and black jeans. Veins of it trailed slowly down his arms.

He smiled. He'd double locked the the house and bathroom door outside so there was no way in the world anyone could disturb him.

He cut again for the third time. More blood spurted out; he dropped the scissors and it made a clang as it hit the floor. Dizziness struck him hard and closing his eyes, he leaned against the wall for support.

"DANIEL! DANIEL! OPEN UP!"

His eyes shot open. Who the hell could that be?

Outside, someone was pounding on the bathroom door. How in God's name did they enter my house?? I locked it!

"DAN!" the voice was frantic and desperate now. "OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR!"

Darren. Again. Oh fuck.

He didn't answer him. The pounding became more and more insistant; no, that was an understatement, it sounded like Darren was tearing the whole door down.

There was loud thuds being heard from outside as it seemed singer was kicking his way in.

"DAN! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! PLEASE, JUST OPEN THE DOOR!"

He could hear choked sobs outside as the all the kicking and pounding and thumping was going on. Darren worked out often - and it certainly paid off. The door was creaking precariously under his viciously powerful attacks.

He looked down at this arms; the blood was now flowing profusely. A new fresh wave of light-headedness hit him again and weakly he sanked back against the cold wall, sliding slowly down to the equally cold tiled floor.

Oblivion. An escape to another world. Just a few more moments of this excurciating numbness in his wrists and everything would be alright...

It took Darren a few more hits then the door burst open. His bloodshot eyes wildly roamed the room.

"Daniel?!" he shouted. Then he spotted him, crouching at the corner, next to the sink. His eyes were half closed and a semi-smile played on his already blue lips. But it was the sight of his arms that almost made his heart stop; they were a mess.

"No..."

Immediately he was by his side, tenderly holding him up; he seemed so frail by the loss of blood, like a lifeless doll, as he leaned his head against him.

But he wasn't lifeless just yet. Barely.

Controlling the icy fear inside him , Darren tried to find a pulse. Yes, it was still there, though a very quiet one at that.

"... Daz... why are you here?" the blond man murmured, trying to lift his head to see him better.

"To save you," he whispered back, savagely blinking back the fresh torrent of tears. "To save you from this madness..." Daniel's hands were staining his shirt too, but he didn't care. Hell, what was to care right now when all this was going on?

"I... want... want to be left alone..." his voice was frighteningly becoming lower and lower. Biting his lips to prevent himself from screaming like crazy, Darren lovingly stroked the sides of his face.

"Dan, it's okay now, the ambulance will be here soon to help you."

"Ambulance? I don't wanna..."

"Shhh, you'll be fine, things are gonna be fine..."

"But how... ambulance..."

"I knew from the moment I found all your doors were locked inside out, you were up to no good. I rang them straight away."

"... up to no good eh?..." The blond one smiled brokenly in spite of himself. "... I'm a bad, bad person... I don't deserve to live..." He was rapidly losing consciousness.

It was nearly all too much. Darren couldn't stop the flood of tears that spilled over his cheeks.

"Jonesy," he said shakily.

No response. Daniel's eyes were closed and he was as white as a sheet.

"Jonesy?!" Louder this time. Careful not to cross the boundary of insanity.

Still no reponse.

There was nothing. Only the sound of water dripping from a leaking tap.

He opened his eyes.

Shit.

He was back at the same hospital. Alive.

His parents and brothers weren't there yet. But Darren was. He was sitting close by him, next to the bed, his bloodless face gazing back at him.

"Hey."

Darren tried to smile, but instead it turned out as an ugly grimace. He reached out and touched him.

"Hey yourself," he whispered.

They didn't say anything more for a moment. Daniel simply stared expressionlessly up at the pure white ceiling; too much things were going through his wretched mind.

"You saved me again." he said carefully, not looking at him.

Darren leaned closer, his large liquid eyes expressing only a wounded soul. He didn't seem to know what to say.

"Why did you do it again, Dan?" he finally blurted out. "Why? You never answered me last time."

"... I don't know..."

He looked down. Tight bundles of bandages covered his aching wrists and arms. But he noticed how pale his skin was. Too much this time; almost too much.

"I'd do anything in the world to help you, you know that."

"I know."

An uncomfortable pause. Finally, straining to keep his voice steady, Darren said hoarsely:

"I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't came."

"Why did you anyway?"

"Something... I had a feeling something was up, so I followed my instincts."

Another pause.

"Darren?"

"Mmmm?"

"What if I told you it would have been my last wish that you never did came? That I wanted to die right then and there; that I didn't want you, of all people, to find me?"

The words stung the singer. It was like a million razor blades all at once piercing through his every being.

"It's Michelle, isn't it?"

He finally turned to look at him.

"Don't you--"

"I know, Dan. It's her and all the others."

"Now what makes you think that?" Hint of bitterness and remorse in his voice.

"Well, it's bloody obvious!" He stood up to clear his head. "When Michelle left, you haven't been quite the same, haven't you!"

"I'm too tired now to start with you."

"Start with me?!" He looked back at him, shocked tears in his eyes. It seemed like he was always crying nowadays. "God help me, my best friend tries to kill himself and here you go on about me lecturing you! What on earth is the matter with you?"

Daniel simply shook his head sadly. "I don't know," he quietly whispered, "I really don't know."

Another damn celebration to go to. Some stupid awards thingy. Oh well, but it made the fans happy to see them in the spotlight again.

Daniel plastered a forced smile on his face as soon as the limo stopped in front of the large theatre. Other celebrities with their limos arrived at the same time too. As soon as he and Darren opened the door, paparazzi cameras were flashing non-stop at their faces, making him feel a little threatened.

Get me outta here... He definitely was in no smiling mood tonight.

"C'mon Jonesy, lighten up!" Darren hissed at him. A contrast to the guitarist, he was beaming and posing away like anything. Fans were screaming their names.

"I am lightening up, see?" he grumbled through gritted teeth.

The singer ignored him and carried on his persona.

The night dragged on. It was all the same; boring acceptance speeches one after the other, small talk here and there with other big hot-shot stars, and plenty of false smiles. Daniel endured it as long as he could.

The aftershow party was no better. The two chatted courteously enough to other people, but while Darren basked the limelight, Daniel detested every minute.

"Hey, what's that up your arm, Dan?"

Daniel whirled around to face Leonie, their trustworthy publicist, eyeing him curiously.

"Uh, excuse me?"

"That." She reached out and pulled up his sleeve to reveal a large gash.

Immediately he pulled his arm away from her. Heart pounding, he quickly looked around to see if anyone else noticed. Thankfully, no-one did in the room full of chattering people.

"Dan, what's the matter? What was that anyway?" Leonie's brow crinkled with confusion.

He backed slowly away from her. This was getting dangerous.

"I accidently cut myself," he managed to splutter. Huh, good one.

"Cut yourself? That's one whopper of a cut!"

He smiled weakly. "Yeah, silly me, eh?"

Just then Darren came bounding along, all smiles like a sunshine.

"Hey people!" he grinned broadly to the two, not noticing Daniel's solemn expression. "Great party, hey?"

Her receptive black eyes still on Daniel quizzically, she asked: "Daz, seen that cut on Dan's arm? My, it's the worst I've ever seen!"

A dark cloud flashed in Darren's eyes for a second as he glanced back to the blond man warily.

"Yeah, I've noticed."

"What on earth did you do to yourself, Danny boy?" She looked concerned.

Now what do you say?? Daniel bit his lip nervously. Only few people knew the truth and he didn't want anymore whispers going around. Last week, an interviewer also saw the cuts and asked outright about it, but he managed to get away with some excuse. He had to be careful though; the cuts were still quite fresh and noticeable.

"I--"

"Leonie, phone for you!" A booming voice interrupted. Someone was shouting over the all the noise and chatter.

"Darn, must be John..." She started to leave, but then turned around for a second.

"Take care Dan... you're such a klutz!" She smiled good-heartedly back at him, then left.

Only Darren and Daniel now stood staring at each other, admist the crowd around them.

"You better be more careful now," Darren said in a low voice. "Don't want this to spread around too much."

"Scared it might ruin our squeakly clean reputation, Daz?" It sounded like a sneer.

"No, of course not."

"Don't want fans to think we're not a really happy bunch now, don't you? That these were actually self-inflicted wounds, just like those Goth bands."

Darren glared at him. "What the hell's gotten into you tonight? I don't like the sound of that sarcastic tone of yours."

Daniel couldn't answer him...He didn't know really, why he was acting so bitter all of a sudden. But Darren was annoying him in some way.

He walked away, leaving a confused but worried Darren behind. I need to get out of here... He hated everyone all of a sudden, all of these superficial snobs around him. Without thinking, he walked right out of the building and into the balmy, starry night.

The stars are so beautiful out here, he smiled faintly to himself as the universe opened up to him. He walked around the parking lot. So peaceful.

Yes, that was what he needed. Some peace, some contentment in his life at least. That was why he was so cold towards Darren before and generally to everyone else; something was missing in his life. There was a void that needed to be filled.

He caught himself. Stupid little voice inside his head. Michelle was gone, gone forever. There was nothing more he could do about it.

But still... her name would always struck a chord within him. A very deep and painful one at that. Because he had nearly ended his own life over her.

He sighed. Will his despair ever end?

"So there you are!"

He could've jumped ten feet in the air.

"Darren! I hate it when you do that! Geez, you could've given me a stroke!"

Darren smiled, but didn't say anything. They stood looking up at the brilliant stars overhead for a long time.

Daniel closed his eyes and breathed in the earthy air. Ah, even the atmosphere smelt beautiful. He suddenly felt a tug on his sleeve.

"Dan, come with me," Darren whispered. The shadows played on his round face.

"Where?"

He simply gave him a knowing look and pulled him out further into the darkness of the night. Daniel let himself being guided by him, slightly confused at his sudden mysterious behaviour. Where was he taking him, anyway?

Walking away from the glitzy lights of the theatre, Darren led him towards the park, just across the street from where the party was taking place. The park was silent and deserted as it was very late and no-one in their right mind would be walking out alone.

"Uh Daz, why exactly have you taken me here?" Daniel asked slowly.

Darren placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "To take your mind away from it all. I know you're still hurting Dan, but I also know better than to force you to spit it out. So I'm going to sing to you to help you forget about everything."

His heart warmed to this. He smiled, really smiled, for the first time in what seemed like eons.

"Dazza," he grinned, playfully punching his arm. "Okay then, sing." He knew he would immediately be cheered up by the haunting sound of his partner's wonderous voice. It was special thing between them; whenever he felt particularly down, he'd often lie on his lap and listen to him sing. Singing just for him and him only. His voice had the amazing effect of taking away the blues and calming his mind. Daniel always cherished those precious moments with him. Of course, a lot of his friends seemed particularly uneasy towards the notion of him lying on another man's lap... he laughed privately to himself at the thought of it. Men don't usually lie on other men's laps, even to their best friends. Whatever will they think of next??

Darren cleared his throat to warm up as Daniel leaned against the tree, gazing up once more at the glossy black night with the cosmos in all their glory.