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Secret Desires
by Rei
Author's Note: For the purposes of this story, Daniel is single. Also, so you don't get confused, Daniel and Darren are sharing a room. One more thing: the quote at the beginning of the story was actually said by Darren in the February issue of Entertainmenteen.~Rei
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"I love him more than you all do..." the quote from Entertainmenteen's article on Savage Garden ran through Daniel's head again and again. He was exhausted, yet he couldn't fall asleep.
Daz, you have no idea how much I wish you really loved me...if only I could tell you...
He turned over and looked at Darren. His bandmate. His very gorgeous bandmate who would probably never know how much Daniel loved him. Daniel smiled, remembering the day he and Darren had met.
You answered the ad I'd placed in the paper, looking for a singer. I asked you to sing a song totally at random, and you chose 'Skid Row'. Your voice wavered a bit on some of the high notes, and the rest of the band thought I was crazy for hiring you. I didn't care, though, because somehow I knew you were exactly what I was looking for. What I didn't know was that I'd fall in love with you. I didn't mean for it to happen, Dazza, I really didn't. I didn't even realize I was at first; I just noticed one day that you were in my thoughts more and more...and now, well...now you're all I can think about.
A sudden noise jerked Daniel from his thoughts. He realized after a moment that it was just Darren. He was dreaming. Daniel smiled again.
I'd almost forgotten how you are when you're asleep. Darren, my love, what are you dreaming about? Probably Colby. I know that the divorce was hard on you. I'm always there for you, Daz. You know that.
Daniel remembered that soon after the divorce became final, Darren had shown up at his house in tears. "Jonesy, I-I-I'm alone!" he sniffed. "N-n-no one loves m-me anymore!" he'd wailed, and it was all Daniel could do to stop himself from cupping Darren's angelic face in his hands and telling him that he was blind; that Daniel loved him...that Daniel loved him more than anything. Now, he almost wished he had.
Feeling a little restless, Daniel got up and walked towards Darren's bed. Looking down, he was amazed at how innocent Darren looked.
He's beautiful.
Almost without knowing he was doing it, he slowly kneeled and brought his face closer to Darren's. Before he could stop himself, he kissed him.
What am I doing? What if he wakes up?
His mind whirling, he lifted his head slightly. Darren never stirred.
Whew. That was close. Do I want him to wake up? No, I...I'm not ready to tell him, not yet.
His lips were still on Darrens. Almost not touching, but still close enough to feel the warmth of Darren's breath. "I love you, I really do. I just wish you'd notice me." he whispered.
I'll tell you someday. When I'm ready for the almost certain "no" you'll give me...when I'm ready to have my heart ripped to shreds.
He arose silently, and walked back to his bed, finally feeling as though he might be able to sleep. As he wrapped the covers around his body, one thought still reverberated in his mind.
No more looking back, no more second chances.
He looked at Darren and spoke one more time, his words barely audible.
"I love you, Daz."
~fin~
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